Reasons: Looking Back on My Re-baptism

So...I got re-baptized last Sunday, I had not planned on it when I chose my clothes that morning, I wore a fancy pinstriped pant and a colorfully splashed blouse with a navy blue jacket and a black hat..but I had been thinking about baptism for a few months anyway. I’ve been baptized before, when I was 7 and it meant something back then too, I still think of the family and sometimes talk to the daughter, of the person who baptized me, but between then and now, so many things have happened, and I have grown and changed a whole lot since then. I’ve always known about Jesus and have had a relationship with him since I was 4, but I have recently learned that I’m not always comfortable with change. Yet, when we moved to the U.S, that was a change, when the family who had taken us under their wing moved, having other people move away, or moving away from friends and family were tough changes, changing school systems was a change, moving around every 7-9 years has been a change. Some of the changes have been great, but other times they’ve been turbulent. I'm thinking now that change is one of those things that's constant, so it's better to get used to it. The thought of being re-baptized had been going through my mind for a few months before this, (though one of my aunts had asked me about it a year or two ago, when Life Link had first moved to its current location) but at that time, nothing was really prodding me, I was “okay” with God, growing in my relationship with Him, and was serving in the church, which had, and has all been really good and useful. However, being in the church, and going through different book studies like “Discerning the Voice of God”, “Abandon”, and most recently “Living in Freedom Every Day” have helped me grow closer to the Lord, hear what He’s telling me, and to both follow Him, and follow through, with what He directs me to do, regardless of how I’ll look, who is around, or what different people will say or think. For years, I had been looking too long into my rearview mirror, I kept looking back to past regrets and trying to make up for them, or just feeling guilty about them, and sometimes I still do. Yet over the last year and change, through hearing different messages on faith, doing personal studies on Isaiah, Jeremiah, Joshua, and Ruth, and reading through the Bible (up to 2 Samuel so far) has made me more reliant on God, and have just been trying to sense what He would want for me, and who He would want me to be (I’m not mentioning this to show off, be high and mighty, or whatever else, it’s just to explain how God was working on me and what I was learning. Ruth's story is about faithfulness, Isaiah’s and Jeremiah's books were about the importance of obedience, Joshua’s was about faith and obedience, and the list goes on..). Lately I have just been hearing that I don’t have to just survive this life, but I can have abundant life. Of course I knew this before too, and was all about the idea, but getting there, was, and is a different story, and is often harder. Last Sunday, I had not planned on being re-baptized, but as Pastor Dave was talking and stalling, something tapped on my heart. There were some excuses that came to mind, but the easy ones were taken off the table right away. I just heard in my heart, “just do it, you don’t have anything to lose, everything’s already there, why wait to get all the right answers to your questions? If you do that you’ll never do it for you and I (Jesus). As that inner conversation was going on Pastor Dave said, if your heart is pounding and you wish I’d just tell you to sit down, I’m gonna keep talking..I laughed at that, and He went on, now thinking of the questions I had...what if I’ve already been baptized? What if I’ve wanted to be re-baptized, but it was 8 years ago (Specifically 8 years, because that was when I intentionally, though privately re-dedicated my life to Christ, and actively wanted to go His way, not just going through the motions, doing my own thing, or giving lip service", as some say). Those thoughts though, were interrupted by another that said “Well then...What are you waiting for? There’s no time like the present— especially if you’ve thought about it often, over eight years, ya Silly Goose, you're ready now”. This was reiterated with Pastor Dave stating that if you were even thinking about that decision, then the answer is yes, you should get baptized. Many people know about the ordeals that I’ve been through health wise, but Jesus has also been working on me in other ways, reminding me where my treasures (time, talents, resources) should be, and where my home really is, reminding me of the importance of bringing people, not stuff, to that place, by living in a way that pleases Him, sharing Him, talking about Him with others, and being an example of Him with my words and actions and attitude. He has also been stretching my faith, drawing me closer to Him, and reminding me where my home really is, and what things are more valuable in this life, and reminding me that He's there for me, and cares for me and the condition of my heart. He sees it, and sees my struggles, and wants to restore me. One thing the pastor, and my mom have pointed out, on different occasions, is that when we get to Heaven, at the Pearly Gates, I imagine, no else is going to give an account for a person's actions, or lack thereof, except that person, so often it’s up to that person, to decide whether they’ll follow when there is an opportunity to, or if they’ll sit back in their nice pantsuit, top, jacket, and hat and let an awesome opportunity go by. At that moment, I listened, for myself, and thought again that there was no time like the present, and the message was directed at me too. I had been cooking, stewing, getting prepared, and on Sunday my timer went off, and I was ready. I knew if I didn’t take that opportunity, I’d be kicking myself, thinking coulda, shoulda, woulda, and I wasn't about to have that. I took karate, when I was younger and I guess I can kick pretty hard, but why should I do that to myself or have that regret to chew on for years? Wasn’t gonna happen. I'm looking for abundant life, not stress, fear, worry, and all that...Jesus had paid a high price so that I could live above all those negative feelings, and I want to embrace that. Pastor Dave started winding down, stating that he felt that there were two more people trying to make a decision, and at that moment, I excused myself and walked to the front, thinking just about Him (Jesus), and I- in the end that’s who it comes down to, and I’d already chosen years ago to follow and obey Him, so for me, this was another choice to continue that... -Msimbi T. Kikuyu (SimSim) 23-24 April 2017